The Wyndham Hotel Stalker

Last night, by the time I arrived in my room, it was nearly midnight East Coast time. I was tired from the flight and stress of hauling luggage through airports, but there was a long line of women checking in at the hotel front desk. I waited about 20 minutes, and received my room key for a room on the 15th floor. I schlepped my heavy bags through the massive lobby, into the elevators, and down the long hallway to my room, only to discover that there was a mistake: it was a king bed, and I’m supposed to be sharing the room with two other women.

I schlepped all the stuff back downstairs to resolve the mix-up. The solution: keep the room for just one night, since my roommates weren’t arriving until the next morning anyway. I was annoyed, but seduced by the “reduced rate” they offered for my inconvenience. So I schlepped by bags back up to the 15th floor.

I noticed that I had an “adjoining room” and on the other side of the interior door, I could hear three women laughing and talking as clearly as if they were in my room with me. It also took me only a few moments to realize that the air conditioning wasn’t working in my room. I really didn’t want to go back down to the front desk (or haul my stuff to another room). I kept fooling with the thermostat, while listening to the women next store talk about the Phillies. I realized that they were also here for the conference—every woman I’ve seen so far in this hotel is here for the same conference—so as I finally got frustrated with my thermostat, I thought maybe I could just ask them if their adjoining room had any problems with the AC.

I stepped out to the hall and knocked on their door. The noise in their room stopped instantly, but no one answered. I knocked again, and this time they came to the door to look at me through the peephole. They had a quick discussion as to why I would knock on the door, did any of them know me, should they open the door, etc. I could hear EVERY WORD. So I spoke loudly, “I’m in the room next door, and I’m having problems with the AC. I was wondering if you knew what the secret is to the thermostat.” I smiled with great charm at the peephole, but they refused to open the door.

I gave them the benefit of the doubt; I suppose it would be weird to open the door to a stranger, but I don’t think I look threatening, certainly nothing like any serial killer or “wanted” poster, but they had the right to ignore the door. I called their room number on the phone, figuring that was not as “in-your-face” as the door. The phone rang once, and someone picked up the line, then slammed it down into the cradle.

For some reason, that struck me as being an over-reaction. Were we suddenly in a teeny-bopper horror film? All I wanted was a little help, and I following normal social etiquette to ask for it. I gave up on them, hoping they wouldn’t complain to the hotel or ask to switch rooms. I finally figured out the thermostat and went to bed, while they continued their conversation in whispers that I could still hear.

Phoenix

After a 4.5 hour flight, I'm in Phoenix, Arizona. I'm totally excited about the Women in Ministry Conference which starts tomorrow afternoon. I was looking forward to the heat of the southwest after the windy chills in Baltimore, but it was 90 degrees when I landed tonight, and I started sweating right away. How quickly we can forget how "hot" feels. I was also hoping to breathe freely here, having heard for years how arid climates are so much better for asthmatics, but my seatmate on the plane informed me that Phoenix is very polluted and asthma is terrible here. Oh well. At least the hotel is really fancy; there is a Starbucks in the lobby which I plan to visit tomorrow.

Did you know that US Airways now charges for your luggage? I learned that today at check-in for my flight. They also charged for food, drink, and headsets. What's next? Charging people to use the plane bathroom?

Here's some irony for you: my taxi driver to the hotel was a Palestinian born in Jerusalem. What are the chances?

Homecoming

This past weekend, I went back to Valley Forge for Homecoming weekend. I've never been before, so I was really looking forward to it. I thought that I would have the occasion to see old college friends, and in fact, I did run into some buddies. I saw my favorite professor, now retired, who still supports my ministry each year. I talked to my cousins who are sophomores, and teased them about over-cutting chapel. I devoured my turkey grinder (previously mentioned in this blog many times). I heard about some possible missionary support from a few churches in Pennsylvania, and I watched a basketball game in the gym where I used to keep statistics for the Patriots team.

All in all, it was a very productive and enjoyable trip.

While I was there, I ruminated a bit on the difference between the Valley Forge Christian College that I went to and the college that it has become today. It's not the same school; the campus boasts state-of-the-art buildings and is now beautifully landscaped (no more condemned or collapsing buildings). There are probably three times as many majors offered now, as well as new master's programs. The sports program has expanded its status, which draws even more talented athletes. The president of the college has built an exemplary network of support for the school, resulting in improvements in every area.

In all those upgrades, the school has also changed somewhat in spirit. When I started as a freshman, the faculty all lived right on campus and formed intense bonds with students. As the school has expanded, the faculty lives elsewhere; the bonds may not be quite so easy to achieve. There were only approximately 600 students in my day, and everyone knew each other; the majors were all concentrated on various types of Christian ministry, so we were bonded to each other as well. On the run-down campus, with all its old government-issue furniture and days where the water was shut off and the overpowering heat in the dorm rooms, there was a powerful connection between the students, perhaps like a boot camp mentality, that no matter how bad things were, we were in it together and we had a unified purpose. We claimed the motto, "You gotta be called to be here," and joked that Valley Forge would prepare us for the missionfield.

While that intimacy may be gone, I still believe in Valley Forge Christian College. When I'm on campus, I see young people who are passionate about serving God, and I see professors who have sacrificed greater careers to mold the next generation of ministers, and I see an administration, headed by Dr. Meyer, that consistently raises the standard of the educational quality and the academic reputation of the school.

I am proud of the college I went to, and the college it has become.

Firing Squad

Here in the Philadelphia area, the submarine sandwich is an art form. This is the city known for the Philly Cheeseteak sandwich, after all. All pizza places have just an extensive menu for their "hoagies" and "grinders" as they do for their pizza selections.

Today I indulged in one of my all time favorite meals, and I decided if I were to go before a firing squad, and I were given my choice of "last meals," I would choose this: a large turkey "grinder" from Bob's Haven Deli, located conveniently across the street from my alma mater, Valley Forge Christian College. And I would enjoy every last bite and die happy!

Back in Town

Believe it or not, I try to post regularly on this site. Unfortunately, I don't always have the ability to connect to the internet on my travels. I was in West Virginia this past weekend, and I just wasn't able to update the blog. I got back home yesterday, and I'm headed out of town again in a few hours.

I got the chance to do a ladies fellowship on Tuesday night, and while I was in the area, I arranged a service on Sunday night at a church where I'd never been. I like to tease my West Viriginia friends about being out in the backwoods, but truly, I love that area. I've found that the people respond very freely to the Lord in those churches. This weekend was just further proof of that.

The ladies fellowship had a topic: Being Overwhelmed--something a lot of wives and mothers probably feel at times. When I was preparing for the service, I really felt that God was leading me to share about my depression in France. It's not a subject I enjoy talking about, but I know that many people face depression and feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit it.

From the first few minutes of the message, I could see the women already reacting to the things I was saying. During the altar time, many women came forward for prayer, and I was thrilled to pray for them. Afterward, even more women came to talk to me personally about their struggles with depression and how much they identified with what I shared. I think the Lord gave many women there strength and victory over their unhappiness.

Just Can't Shake It

I've been sick with a head cold for days now. Earlier this week, I could barely string thoughts together because I had such a sinus headache. Thankfully, I feel much better now, but I still have a sore throat and some sinus congestion. I've got to preach tomorrow and Tuesday night, so I'm really hoping I'll be back to full-strength by then. In the meantime, I just keep drinking tea and popping vitamin C.

Pray for me.

That Teddy Roosevelt!

"Women have no earthly business to go out as missionaries into these wild countries!" --President Theodore Roosevelt

More from Dr. Beth Grant

Let's use money/possessions as an example to illustrate the difference between the two cultures. In an I-Self culture, the individual makes his decisions alone and carries the weight of those decisions, as well. In early childhood, we start giving kids money (my three year old niece commented on Saturday at her cousin’s birthday party, “I like the presents with dollars in them.”). We tell kids that they can buy what they want with “their” money, giving the decision-making control to the child. As kids age, they branch out with “their” money to get bigger things, perhaps their first car. It is solely theirs, if they paid with “their” money. Neither the child nor the parents sees it as a “family car.” Now, let’s say that the car needs new tires; who is responsible to pay for them? Most parents, when approached, are going to say, “That’s your car.” We expect our children to take the responsibility to work for their needs, not ask for handouts. Our society makes it very difficult to demand help from others; it goes against the idea of independence and individual responsibility. So, as Dr. Beth Grant said, “I learned from a young age, that if I have to ask for help, I should do so apologetically and conservatively.” Ask for the least that someone can do, and do it with an air of uncomfortable awkwardness.

In a We-self culture, money and possessions are not individually owned; the group owns and shares what each person needs. As a young Arab student once told me, “What my father owns is mine; if I need something, he’ll provide it if he is able.” She was responsible to share with her extended family whatever she could contribute, as well. In a culture like that, there is no shame in asking for what you need. If there is a rich uncle, he knows that every family member will have their hand out with needs. If he’s got what can help them, he would never withhold it. They regard the relationship more valuable than the sum of money in question. Often in foreign countries, the churches will approach missionaries with requests for huge amounts of money for needs in their impoverished countries. The missionaries are shocked by the audacity of the churches; the foreign Christians simply think, “You have the money in your country, and we are brothers and sisters in Christ.”

To wrap up, the spiritual application applies to prayer. When I-self culture Christians pray, they tend to work first to get the answer they need, and only after that, to ask for what they need with that air of nervous uncertainty; they also ask with conservative expectations. “God, give us some new visitors in church this week.” The We-Self culture Christians bust the doors off heaven with their confidence. Their Father who owns all things will give them everything they need! Their prayers sound more like, “God, give us the nations!”

Pretty techinical, but there's a good point to it!

During the minister’s retreat that I attended last week I had the occasion to hear Dr. Beth Grant , who is the chairperson for the Network for Women in Ministry. Her subject matter was “Developing community in an I-self culture.”

I-self culture is a somewhat clinical definition for a culture which emphasizes an individual over the group. Scripture clearly indicates in passages such as Ephesians 4: 15 -16, and Hebrews 10:25 that in Christian community, we experience growth and maturity. Yet in our culture, we’re trained from birth for independence, both acting and thinking as individuals. For Americans, healthy development equals autonomy; the classic example of this is a two year old child who can say “I will do this by myself!” We reward this type of behavior, and in school, our education system assumes independence and all the associated competition as a goal. With the possible exception of sports, our education prepares us for solo achievement, however isolated we become as a result.

However, in the rest of the world, people are raised in a community. There are examples of multiple mothering (“It takes a village to raise a child”) where decisions are made as a group. It fosters a We-self culture. Interdependence is the goal, and that is what is rewarded. The New Testament communities were definitely We-self cultures. Think of the verses that refer to people as a group, such as “You are a peculiar people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation.” Much of the epistles are focused on this type of group mentality (think of the Body of Christ metaphors) and promote interdependence.

In this model, the I-self identity has formed a hard shell. Particularly after teen-age years, who we believe we are has hardened into a definite concept. I am good at music, bad at math, like sports, hate Brussels sprouts. I am a writer, a daughter, a teacher, etc. But in We-self cultures, the identity is not hardened. Symbolized here by the dashed line, this identity allows for sharing, stretching, and change without violating a person’s sense of identity.

Once we become adults, we are often forced by our job situations to be part of a team. Even in the church, we work as a team in our church to do evangelism or team-teach Sunday school classes. It’s difficult for us to focus on achievement as a group, rather than as an individual. Sometimes we feel competitive rather than thinking as a “team,” where if one of us succeeds, we all succeed. A group of I-self people, gathered into one room and forced to become a “team” will spend their time apologizing, asserting themselves, and defending their opinions, while subconsciously evaluating how everything “applies to me.” In a We-self community, the relationship of the community is more important than the conflict. You can’t walk away from the group, because you are so intertwined to the others.

The implication this has for cross-cultural ministry is huge. Muslims and Hindus, for example, form We-self communities; everything and everyone is intertwined. When a person decides to accept Christ, he is a traitor to the whole community. He loses everyone close to him, his job, perhaps even his home due to the community "shunning" him. He also loses his identity, which was tied into all the others in his family or group. One of the main reasons that converted Muslims backslide into Islam is because they have no way to build a new We-self community. The American church (full of I-self people) doesn’t know how to accept them into a group We-self identity. Until we are able to be a We-self culture in the church, forming a replacement family or a rebuilding identity, we will not make great strides in reaching these target groups.

Happy Birthday

Today was my middle niece Olivia's birthday party. She and lots of little kids went to the pumpkin patch to pet farm animals, pick their own pumpkin, and ride a haywagon. We got to eat lunch and open gifts afterward. I got GREAT pictures, because it was such a lovely day and the kids were so into the farm. I enjoyed spending my Saturday with the kids.

Roommate Wanted

I don't know who all reads this blog, but I'm going to the Women in Ministry Conference in Phoenix, AZ in a few weeks. I've already reserved a hotel room, but it's $150 a night, so I'm interested in sharing the room (and the expense) with another woman.

If anyone is interested, or knows someone who would be interested, please contact me at 410-608-7246.

Bob the Beloved

Williamsburg, VA -- Last night was the first session of Minister's Retreat here in our district. This year's theme is "Together;" to reinforce the idea that no man is an island, we had a luau as the kickoff event. The Crosswalk Community Church pastored by Mark Morrow hosted the event in a large tent on their lawn. With fresh fruit, shrimp cocktail, chicken kabobs, and sliced pork and roast beef, it was a feast! Everyone enjoyed the festive spirit, enhanced by the live goldfish in the centerpiece vases, the complimentary leis we received, and the calypso music broadcast from the speakers.

Our speaker for the evening was Dr. Bob Rhoden, our forme district superintendent, and as always, he was excellent! As one woman said this morning, "That man can say more in 20 minutes than most preachers can say in two hours."

He preached from I Cor. 3:5-15, "The Test of Fire." He asked three powerful questions about the ministry we will eventually present before the Lord.

1. What is our motivation? It's very easy for what was originally a calling to become a career, and the temptation is to start making "career" decision, rather than following our calling.
2. What is our level of obedience?
3. What is your source of power? The temptation is to let the "machine" of church carry the ministry, rather than being led by the Spirit of God. Too often we develop slick programs, marketing campaigns, and organizations, but we get further and further from the the Acts model of the true Church. We are a Pentecostal people--not businessmen.

After raising these profound points, he referred to Numbers 16:48. Aaron, as the High Priest, stood in the midst of the plagued camp of Israelites, offering up the atonement (holy incense and holy fire), standing in the annointing of the Lord--that's the responsibility we each have as ministers--no less than standing between the living and the dead.

Camping

This was such a beautiful weekend, made even better by the camping trip I had with the Girls Clubs of the Eastern Section. I was the speaker for the campfire devotional time on Friday night and two Saturday sessions; the theme was "Race for a Lifetime" so I created a rather ditzy "jogger" character to get the girls attention and started each session with a little dramatic performance. With girls there as young at seven years old, I had to keep their attention! I really enjoyed the girls; they were so sweet when I talked to them during the free time. In spite of the girls being their awkward ages--missing teeth and stringy hair--I saw so much that was truly beautiful in them.

I stayed in a cabin at Elk Neck State Park, while the girls were in the youth group camping section. Nancy Rabbitt, the genius behind the weekend, arranged the cabin for me, and I was glad not to have to pitch my own tent. I didn't sleep so well, in the cabin, however; my close friends and family will tell you that I have irrational fears in the middle of the night. While totally normal during the day, in the darkness I turn into a paranoid wimp. In the middle of the night, I began hearing noises, like someone knocking on the cabin door, then knocking on the roof, the sides of the cabin, the porch. I laid frozen in my sleeping bag, sure that some "State Park Killer" was lurking outside waiting to murder me. Instead, it turns out that I was under a walnut tree, which dropped baseball sized nuts all night. Needless to say, I lost a little sleep. But I managed to live until morning, which is the important thing!