Landshark!

There is an old Saturday Night Live skit where Chevy Chase dresses in a big shark costume and rings the doorbells of unsuspecting women. Once they answer, he attacks them as a "landshark." Naturally, some people are more savvy and don't answer, so he is forced to claim he is a delivery person or a girl scout selling cookies, until they answer.

[Scene: A New York apartment. Someone knocks on the door.]
Woman: [not opening the door] Yes?
Voice: (mumbling) Mrs. Arlsburgerhhh?
Woman: What?
Voice: (mumbling) Mrs. Johannesburrrr?
Woman: Who is it?
Voice: [pause] Flowers.
Woman: Flowers for whom?
Voice: [long pause] Plumber, ma'am.
Woman: I don't need a plumber. You're that clever shark, aren't you?
Voice: [pause] Candygram.
Woman: Candygram, my foot. You get out of here before I call the police. You're the shark, and you know it.
Voice: Wait. I-I'm only a dolphin, ma'am.
Woman: A dolphin? Well...okay. [opens door]
[Huge latex and foam-rubber shark head lunges through open door, chomps down on woman's head, and drags her out of the apartment, all while the Jaws attack music is playing.]

I've been working for the past week and a half delivering flowers, which means a lot of ringing door bells and pounding on doors. Here are some things I've learned:

  • There are some really beautiful neighborhoods tucked away in Anne Arundel County
  • There are also some scary ghettos, especially by Fort Meade
  • You can order a flower delivery to a specific gravesite on Memorial Day
  • People's first reaction to getting flowers is to ask me who they are from, as if I know all the details of their personal life. (I don't take the orders, and I certainly don't read the cards!)
  • Men who are in the doghouse really do order flowers for their ladies
  • "Bad" neighbors will keep flowers, candy baskets, etc. and never tell the rightful owners that they accepted them on their behalf
  • All the funeral homes have special places to store flowers until the viewing rooms are ready. At least one funeral home washes their hearse each and every day to keep a respectful shine for your deceased loved one.
  • This job is way more interesting than I realized it would be.
I'm still working part-time for Severn River Church, and I'm still filling out applications and sending resumes out (which sometimes feels like a full-time job in itself). Keep praying for me!
Ariel Rainey